This satirical doggerel was originally posted in a discussion on Goodreads. I received a request to post it where it was easier to link to it, so here it is:

 

 

 

The Author’s Patter Song

 

 

 

(With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)

 

 

 

I am the very model of a modern indie authoress.

 

My editor is excellent, my formatting is not a mess.

 

I’ve hired top professionals for proofreading and cover art ,

 

And hope that that I will join the ranks of authors who discovered are.

 

 

 

I don’t engage with trolls or drive-by one-stars on the internet.

 

I’ve never said so far a thing on Goodreads that I might regret.

 

Real readers wrote my good reviews not sock puppets or family.

 

I hope this will promote me since I must not do it spammily.

 

 

 

I can’t afford for Foreword or for Kirkus to approve me

 

And if I were to push hard would-be readers would remove me

 

From their to-read lists, and so I keep my self-promotion minimal.

 

With marketing so subtle that it borders on subliminal.

 

 

 

I’ll hang on with obduracy and get discovered anyway.

 

To languish in obscurity would be a terrible cliché.

 

But …

 

I’m at the very bottom of the Amazon best seller list

 

Where almost every other model modern indie author is.

 

Reblogged from Amber's Thoughts