Stardust  - Mimi Strong

DNF

 

I managed two pages before I gave up. I just know this book and I aren't going to gel. Great concept, terrible execution.

I wasn't always such a magnet for hot guys, but the secret of my awesomeness got out the day I met Dalton Deangelo.

I have quite a few issues with this opening sentence. To begin with, it's a crap opening sentence. Our heroine is clearly egotistical, (FYI I have no problems with girls too big for their boots a la Letty 'wannabe badass' fucking Dilliger in Strings) the 'awesomeness' is in italics for no fucking reason, and I'm still trying to work out if 'Deangelo' is pronounced 'deen-jello' or 'dee-angelo'. The sentence is clearly trying to set up the fact that this 'awesome' heroine will deliver more of her awesomeness that is so fucking important it needs to be in italics, but it's not fooling me. The second sentence (which also serves as the second paragraph) fares no better:

I was standing on an old wooden stool, inside a bookstore.

There's a redundant comma that pisses me off. The fact that she says 'inside A bookstore', not 'inside THE bookstore where I work' leads me to believe she's just wandered in off the street into A random bookstore. The third sentence is where this story actually begins. It's an okay sentence, nothing awesome.

The bells on the door jingled, and someone came rushing into the store, breathing heavily.

It's the second sentence of fourth paragraph that first set off my alarm bells.

His hard, manly body impacted my soft thighs, and I fell, screaming, right into his arms.

I'm not even sure where to begin. Whether it's the 'manly' of some guy I don't think the narrator could even see until the moment he caught her, the 'soft' of her thighs (which includes the hardest bone in the body, so now I'm thinking about some poor lady and her jello thighs and of course she fell off the fucking stool, her thighs aren't strong enough to hold her up!), or the fact that she screamed as she fell all of probably one foot, maybe two - directly into the arms of the guy who wasn't watching where he was going. Holy supernatural reflexes! It's almost as bad as the guy who opened a passenger side car door to kiss someone and she proceeded to nearly run him over after his amazing contorting act.

 

Almost.

 

Come to think of it, I DNF'd that book as well.

 

So despite the clusterfuck of the opening sentences, that was actually my first warning bell. Then it all went to hell as I read the following exchange, only two sentences later:

And then, he opened his mouth and said the most captivating thing: "What kind of an idiot stands on a stool when there's a perfectly good ladder available?" {Good idea, just insult the woman. Never mind the fact that it's a perfectly good question and you literally just bumped into her so how the hell do you know there are any ladders available? And if you can see the ladders, why the fuck isn't she using one? And she thinks this is captivating BE STILL MY HEART, ASSHOLE HERO AS ORDERED.]
"Ladders are overrated." [So is this book] He grinned, holding me in those amazingly strong arms.
"You're a fun girl, aren't you?" [You're a condescending asshole, aren't you?]

That, ladies and gentlemen, is when I quit. I will not read a rage-inducing book. Good luck to everyone else who wants to read it, and I bid you adieu.