How I Got Him To Marry Me: 50 True Stories - Cherise Kelley

I originally read this in 2013, where my first review simply said,

Utter rubbish. One woman recommends getting hit by a car to make him propose.

To which the author of this book promptly responded in her own review that,

No one recommends getting hit by a car anywhere in this book. I'm not sure where that idea came from.

Well, ladies and gents, it's been bothering me that I never did, in fact, back up my claim, so over the 14/15 summer break I sat down with this book AGAIN so that I could tell you exactly where Ashlee tells us that getting hit by a car got James to propose:

#20 Ashlee and James

We were hit by another driver… causing us to drive off-course and into a ditch. I didn’t wake up until I was at the hospital. Location 1049

He smirked at me and kissed me.
“Ashlee, I love you. And I want you to marry me.”
– Location 1053

See that, ladies? Get into a car crash and he’ll pop the question.

Now, before you go off saying 'that's not a recommendation', allow me to also show you the part where the instructions in the preface explicitly tell us, the readers, to

‘read between the lines to figure out how to get him to marry you.’ – Location 160.

So ladies, getting hit by a car is indeed a recommendation.

And here are some of the ways these 50 real-life women ‘got their husbands to marry them.’ This book is meant to be part how-to guide, part confessional.

#3 Lizzie and Cordell

Now that I was more successful, I told Cordell I was going to leave if he didn’t marry me, but first, on a hunch, I used the 15K I had saved to pay off Cordell’s back child support. – Location 289

And then WHAM! Instant marriage. So, ladies, just clean up your future husband’s mess, and don’t forget to threaten him while you’re at it.

#6 Marie and Fred

But I wore him down – Location 390.

Ahhhh, that’s true romance, isn’t it?

#7 Michael and Shyan

I finally persuaded him to marry me – Location 418.

Sure, because marrying a commitment-phobe who doesn’t want to be married in the first place is guaranteed to make the marriage last.

#9 Trisha and David

I befriended his mother! – Location 527

At last! Some good advice!

#17 Kylie and Cole

My man was tired of hearing me complain about marriage, so when I gave up he got down on one knee. – Location 906

I don’t even know what to say about this one.

#27 Raya and Jose

That’s how I got him to marry me. I just stayed on his radar and made sure he had a good impression of me and showed him what life would be like with me as his wife. – Location 1361

Yep, that’s really ‘getting him to marry you.’ Seems that the poor guy, like most of the poor guys in this book, simply needed it to be made clear she wanted to be married and then wait for him to be ready to propose.

#32 Clare and Joey

I know; I know. It’s a low blow to use your dying mother, but I really did want her to see us get married, and I wasn’t getting any younger, either. – Location 1548

I just can’t with this one.

#34 Dan and Amanda

He never wanted to marry me, but I made him marry me. – Location 1623

Ahhh, romance! Isn’t love swell?!

#36 Jen and Mike

And that was the last word I said for the next 12 hours. The only way I would answer him was to moo like a cow. I think he got the memo. Location 1724

Well I sure didn’t. What the hell was the point of mooing at him?

#37 Valerie and Craig

I tried to use our son’s birth as a reason to get married. – Location 1752

Really? Just really?

#40 Kathi and Dan

He needed to see exactly what he was missing out on by not proposing marriage. – Location 1898

This is solid advice! A pity it gets lost among all the other stories.

#41 Cindy and Bob

He finally agrees just because he knew I was stubborn and not going to waiver. – Location 1929

Yep! That’s surely how I like my men to propose! Not because they want to, or anything.

Then there’s a bunch of stories about how the man actually does want to get married but he needs time to come around to the idea, or the woman makes it clear she wants to be married and then hey presto! Suddenly he’s down on one knee. Wanna know why? Because men aren’t subtle. Too many of these stories are actually the following formula: man is oblivious, woman hints that she wants to get married, woman gets upset because man doesn’t understand hinting, woman draws a line in the sand, man takes some time to come around to the idea and then proposes. It’s properly ‘getting him to marry me’ if you know what I mean – by which I mean it’s NOT.

But oooh boy, does the very last story take the cake. It’s all about getting him to marry you, getting him to propose, right? Well, the last story is so preachy, so over the top ‘this is how you do it’ and she’s the one that proposed to him! On top of that, the advice offered is to earn your own money so you can ‘help’ with the bills (because he’ll be paying the majority of them, amirite?), don’t be a fatty (BECAUSE FAT PEOPLE NEVER GET MARRIED), don’t meet people in bars or chat rooms (BECAUSE REASONS), and for god’s sake don’t get a degree in law, medicine or accounting or you’ll threaten his manliness!

Yep, ladies, definitely the best story is the last story, because not only does it tell you exactly what to do to be a gigantic judgemental bitch, but if you want him to marry you then YOU must propose and take the awful decision off him: he’s better off giving you a straight ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, after all!

And remember ladies,

He won’t want to just live together if you are the best that you can be: sober, in shape, wearing something pretty, and living up to your potential. – Location 2340